I Ignore the Signs

I ignore my slowing heart rate,

Body too weak and faint,

Brain foggy, full of self-hate,

Being freezing in summer,

The dull and constant hunger,

The disgusted looks of strangers.

 

I don’t see my skeleton fingers,

Instead I notice the reigns in them,

Steering a sinking ship

In a hurricane ocean,

But I tell the remaining me

At least you’re driving.

I have control of this.

This. This is what I need.

Not food or advice,

But an eased state of mind,

Steadied by a rudder made of

Toilets and measuring cups.

 

I ignore my mother’s pleas,

Exposed ribs and knobby knees,

Joke away a grave disease.

In twisted lies I’m baptized,

Held under by fear of my size.

I ignore my mother’s cries.

 

 

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